I give up on sleep!

I give up on sleep.  I have tried and failed.  My son Van is up every two hours to eat.  He sleeps a lot during the day, which is frustrating because he sister is up all day.  This makes for one tired mommy.  I was breastfeeding up until a few days ago.  During this time, I walked through life like a zombie.  In dire need of caffeine, I decided to go to formula.  Now I was going to go to formula soon anyway, because I won’t be able to breast feed while at work, but this is a little earlier than I planned on.  I feel bad, because I know that breast milk is the best for the baby, but I was not able to pay attention to anything else.

 Despite the long nights, that beast feeding had to offer, it takes a toll on your body as well.  I could not figure out why I was so tired.  I know people who have gone back to work right after having a baby and I can’t figure out how they do it.  My husband told me, that most people do not have c-section.  He said, “They inflicted a mortal wound on you, and then they stitched you up and gave you a baby to take care of.  So you are healing, and breast feeding.” 

Now that I am using formula, my husband can help me feed Van a little but.  Honestly, it is still mostly me.  At least I can have coffee now!  My daughter has also been very mommy needy lately.  I feel bad that I can’t give her all the attention she wants.  I know that she has to get used to it, but today I was feeding Van and Zelda was screaming.  She was just screaming for attention, but it made mommy very sad.  How am I going to do this when I go back to work?  I don’tI have the option to stay home, which would be awesome if I did have that option.  I carry the family health insurance, and needless to day, we need the money.  I have decided not to go back to my part-time job.  I haven’t told them yet.  By not working there, it will give me some extra time with the kids. 

Okay well it is five in the morning and the baby is up.  Time for mommy to make some coffee.